Kareoke will never be a sober sport
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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