I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize