umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
