another moral hangover. fuck.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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