If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
