I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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