I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
