There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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