i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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