then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
