You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
COCAINE IS GR8
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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