good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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