In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
