I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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