Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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