This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
