id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
