Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
