I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
These tits shall not be calmed
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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