I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need moral support for this bender
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
