I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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