the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
