I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
