she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
