I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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