My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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