I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
