Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
