is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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