did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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