I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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