forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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