I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's shark week go big or go home
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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