Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
