trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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