new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
