Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
