Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The Olympian is in my bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
