my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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