Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
