carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
