I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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