Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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