No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
