dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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