He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
