He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
