It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This girl is more easily done than said...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
