i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
