I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
