Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How does one acquire holy water?
I lost the right to judge tonight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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