can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?