You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
