so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill