i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.