cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
