That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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