I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
