My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
