I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
