Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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