my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
