She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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