I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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