he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
