ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
