Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
