if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
