A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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