god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
