I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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