i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
